Well, I finally picked a winner. I chose the Azzurri to
take home the FIFA World Cup Trophy. I don't know why I chose them, but I made the pick before Tommy Smyth "With a Y" did,
so don't accuse me of cheating the system. The Italians were the Detroit Pistons ('03-'04 edition) of the World Cup (sort
of the reason I chose them) for the following reasons:
1.) Concentration on Defense: The Azzurri's main
goal was to shut down the opposing offense and wait for a counter-attack. The Pistons didn't look for the fastbreak as much
as Italy did (relatively, since this is football), but defense was the definite concentration for the Azzurri.
2.) The Whole is Greater than the Sum of the Parts: There
was no star who carried this team. Zidane (more about him later) carried the French, Ronaldinho was purported to carry the
Samba Boys (more like "Sucky Boys"), and Shevchenko (best player in this World Cup by far) carried the Ukraine.
3.) Colors: the colors reminded me of the Bad Boys.
Visual recognition is important, and it worked here.
Now to the Final. Marco Matterazi does not deserve the nickname "Matrix"
since it already belongs to Shawn Marion, the goalie of the NBA football team chosen by myself and the Corporal (
The 15th of July). But Matterazi sure was everywhere on the field and that could help him almost get away with it. I think I should list everything
he did
1.) Fouled Malouda in the box, which gave Zidane the chance
to hit the PK to put Les Bleus up 1-0 ("0" should be read "nil")
2.) Headed in Andrea Pirlo's beautiful corner (I watched
this at my uncle's house, where there is ReplayTV so I can rewind and rewatch. That corner kick was magnificent with the perfect
bend so Matterazi could put it away) for, as the Corporal would say, "THE EEEEQUALIZER!!"
3.) Insulted Zidane enough to make the usually stoic Zidane
headbutt him in the chest. Now, this headbutt wouldn't have hurt as much if Zidane kept the hair on his head, but he didn't.
Remember this for next time, Zidane. Keep the hair on your head if you want to lose your mind.
4.) Hit one of five PKs to help the Azzurri to a 5-3 win in the
shootout.
Now, the headbutt. Reportedly some hackers in Europe have tried to put a patch into FIFA World Cup
so that a code will cause Zidane to headbutt an opponent in the chest. Zidane's name seems to not be synonymous with good
football anymore, but with headbutts.
It doesn't matter what Matterazi said. My way to prove this? Kobe Bryant. Kobe and
Steve Nash had a heckuva fight during the series between Kobe's Lakers and Steve's Suns in the first round of the playoffs.
Here is how their conflict went during a melee:
Steve Nash: I'm gonna fuck Vanessa while listening to the new Radiohead...on vinyl, bitch!
Kobe Bryant: Hey, Steve Nash! Hey, Steve Nash...(cut off by teammates taking him back to the bench before he can
insult Nash)
Now, Kobe proceeded to jump over and dunk over Nash and make him out as a
silly little white boy later in the game. THAT is how Zidane should have done it. That is the way to fight back at an insult.
Zidane was WAY of line, and so was his wardrobe on French TV as he apologized to the French people. A military-style
coat over the shoulders? There must be Man-Law against this ever happening again. Only use of military-style coat over the
shoulder should be a man putting it on an attractive female's shoulders if she is cold. ("MAN LAW!")
The only thing I could compare Zidane's headbutt to was the death of Tommy
in Goodfellas. Tommy had done all these things to help get Jimmy and Henry into the club (besides being a full-blooded
Italian), but he got shot in the back of the head and his mother couldn't have an open casket for him. Zidane did so many
great things to help get France to the championship game of the World Cup besides having a legendary career, but the headbutt
ended his career prematurely and without the glory of the open casket.
The Azzurri's victory over the German team in Dortmund's Signal Iduna Park
brought back memories of the Syracuse Orangemen's first loss at the Carrier Dome at the hands of Georgetown in 1980,
where the Hoyas punished SU for holding the ball by finally getting ahead 52-50, leading to the Orangemen holding
the ball without a shot for the final 45 seconds. When John Thompson Jr. entered the press conference following
the game, he proclaimed, "The Carrier Dome is now open for business." This was the German's first loss in Dortmund, which
had been a home away from Berlin for them, and the two late goals by Fabio Grosso and Alessandro Del Piero in the 119th and
121st (injury time) respectively put a dramatic ending to the streak. I seriously had a dream that night of Coach Marcello
Lippi to walk in with a towel on his shoulder and say, "Signal Iduna Park is now open for business" and walk out with everyone
in the media clamoring to ask questions as he exits.
Lippi was wrongfully accused of corruption in picking the team before the
through the World Cup. Look at it this way: Boss Tweed in New York City was corrupt because the New York City government didn't
work for the people. Lippi's team, which was purported to be made up of only players from GEA World, the employer of his son,
Davide, was the opposite of Tweed's work in New York in the late 1800's. Italy won. End of story.
Five NBA Free Agency FAQs:
1.) Is Ben Wallace worth $60 million over 4 years?
No. $40 million tops. What is he going to help the Bulls with in terms of revenue? All I see is two bobblehead nights
(afro and corn rows) and that is it. Shaq shoots free throws better than him, and there is no player who is more "defense-minded"
in the League.
2.) What is with the '03 draft class extensions?
It is obvious that LeBron is a genius in terms of making tons of loot, so Wade and Anthony and now Bosh followed his
plan with the shorter extensions which translate to more loot sooner (unless a knee explodes).
3.) How stupid are the Sixers?
They resigned Shavlik Randolph. That's pretty dumb. Billy King should be relieved of his duties as GM if another playoff-less
season is in store for '06-'07.
4.) May we have a grade for Bryan Colangelo's early work as GM of the Raptors?
The team with the most movement of any team, the Raptors, basically have gotten a big makeover. Chris Bosh is secured
for the future, and Anthony Parker is a solid player who should have a bigger effect on the Rap-crew than Sarunas "Yeah-some
cabbages" Jasikevicius did for the Pacers after a nice time at Maccabi Tel-Aviv. And TJ Ford can play the point with less
scorer's mentality than Mike James had, so he should work well for the Raptors. However, Rasho Nesterovic, Robert Whaley,
and Robert Whaley? And getting rid of Matt "Red Bomber" Bonner? This is like getting an El Camino pimped. Yeah, it's pimped
out. But it's still an El Camino.
5.) Who are the top 5 teams with a chance to win it all with the moves
so far?
Here is a list:
1.) Miami Heat just won a title and did nothing but add THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL ROOKIE-TO-BE AVAILABLE
named Mike Gansey. No doubts there. Gansey can play. Plus, the Heat return the same roster of last year.
2.) Dallas Mavericks added Maurice Ager, who will definitely be an instant contributor, and return a
team that should have won the Finals had Dirk not become a pussy after Game 2.
3.) Chicago Bulls look a lot tougher down low with the moves to get tougher down low, and already have
a top 3 backcourt in the League.
4.) Sacramento Kings if Bonzi stays, no doubt here. This becomes the #2 in the West and could beat Dallas.
5.) Detroit Pistons added Flip Murray through free agency, and Nazr Mohammed hit 79% of his free throws
last year, nearly double the man he replaces, Ben Wallace.
BONUS: How stupid are the Nuggets?
About as stupid as Carmelo's posse, which gets caught with weed every other month now. Thanks to what is now Kenyon
Martin's gigantic contract (it once felt good), the Nuggets will have trouble drawing free agents with no cap space. And don't
forget about the draft busts and good draftees that were traded by the Nugs (Julius Hodge got shot more than he shot this
past year). The only time for redemption will be next year, when the Nuggest return to the first round with a strong draft
class to pick from.
That wraps that up. Keep on reading. Pray for Israel. I'm out.
