I've never written an actual blog before, so this is my first foray into that delirious realm. On Thursday, July 20, 2006, I journeyed to Los Angeles with the help of US Airways. US Airways, for the record, isn't worth it. Crappy seats, crappy movies, food is expensive and nasty (luckily, drinks were still free), and the flight attendants were full of themselves as usual.

         Dalton, my brother's dog, is a damn fine dog. Good skills, good athleticism, he should be a first rounder, no doubt.

         The KTLA News is a joke. As I sat in my brother's friend's apartment and watched, I could not believe the pieces shoved into it, including "The 'R' Bandit," who stole every letter "R" from signs in a small Indiana town to add to a collection, and the viewer write-in question, which was "Which do you prefer: being too hot, or too cold?" Basically, Rick Garcia and the broad were a joke.

         How much of an advantage is marijuana in competitive eating? I know water helps out, but over this trip, I came to this conclusion: the weed will increase appetite, and it is most effective when combined with greenies (amphetamines), which will heighten the senses and let the competitor eat fast and not stop. Three requirements for the next city I live in (after Philadelphia):

-Chipotle: Damn fine burritos and burrito bols.

-Whole Foods: May I please have some of the best salad bar on Earth?

-Cheesecake Factory: Perfect when baked and willing to spend.

         Now, it was hot. LA had a few power outages during my stay as temperatures got up to 120 in the Valley. I played basketball for two hours a day every day but one, and that was about all the time I spent outside of air conditioning. The basketball in hot weather has to burn more calories, right? It felt like the air was weighting me down when I played. However, I think I made it out of there with a record above .500, so I guess I adjusted well, like Carmelo with George "Lithgow" Karl at the helm of the Nugs.

         Now, to the subject of this article: I never have ever had a Dodger Dog, and I probably never will (though I must say that the California Pizza Kitchen pie I had from Dodgers Stadium was good). The Sports Guy (Bill Simmons to some) has said that "the Dodger Dog lived up the hype -- it's long and juicy, even a little salty, and you can definitely get a whole meal out of it. No contest."

         Sure sounds better than the Dodgers. Chad Billingsley pitched pretty badly, especially with two home runs given up to Juan Encarnacion (maybe the fourth best power hitter...on the Cardinals). The offense has nothing. It's just a bunch of guys who might hit for average once in a while. The next game Andre Ethier hit two home runs, the best showing of power on the Dodger since Shawn Green still played in LA.

         My most disappointing memory of my trip to Dodger Stadium? That one is easy. I missed Brad Penny vs. Kenny Lofton in the dugout during the Padres' 10-3 demolition of the Dodgers. I'd like to thank Woody Paige (I refuse to call him "Woodrow" because Skip Bayless doesn't know what he is talking about) for providing me with the stat that sums up the Dodgers right now: 1-13 since the All-Star Break. If they end up losing the rest of their games this season (I hope they won't), what will happen to that one team that lost to the Dodgers, the Diamondbacks. If this situation ever arises, there is only one way to settle it: make the Diamondbacks (or any team in their place) be forced to last place a la Italian soccer, except for next year as well.

         My favorite memory: a foul ball is hit by Scott Rolen into the Cardinals' dugout. The ball comes into possesion of one Tony La Russa, who is immediately asked for the ball by a group of ten five-year-olds who ask him for the ball from one end of the dugout. La Russa kind of holds the ball up to them and probably says (I was in the top deck), "You want this? Well..." and tosses the ball above the dugout to another kid. The group of kids mope back to their seats.

         The Dodgers need to work on distracting their fans. GMC Yukon races that whose outcomes have no meaning just piss people off. And just stressing the point that you brought the first black player into Major League Baseball won't buy me off. Remember, that was in Brooklyn. This is Los Angeles, and this team is definitely not as popular as the Brooklyn Dodgers, and should not be associated with the Brooklyn Dodgers in any way.

         I promised something about Clerks II, so here it is: I'm not impressed. It had its moments, and that was before the movie started, where The Coffee Bean spelled my brother's name "Edra" (instead of Ezra) and the lady who brought our drinks to pick-up didn't feel like trying to butcher the name. I don't blame her, I blame the cashier. Anyways, my brother and I wonder if those are our drinks while this little Asian guy take the drinks and looks around all paranoid and shit and tries to play it off. We wait and keep talking about it, until his wife/daughter (It's LA, anything is possible in terms of relationships) comes and starts inspecting the drinks (I'm suspecting it was his daughter since she seemed to make him feel like an idiot). My brother and I walk over, and my brother says "Hey, what did you order? I think those are ours." We then compare receipts and it turns out they were our drinks. The guy tries to act shocked, even though he too ordered two drinks.

         Back to Clerks II. I saw Clerks once. I was giving the same review that Larry gives to Rhonda on Curb Your Entusiasm: "Ehhhhhhh." The movie forced it too much, then tried to be serious with the love story. The best part had to be Wanda Syke's work as basically her character on Curb Your Enthusiasm traveling through New Jersey and getting soem fast food before heading back on the road with her husband, who is played by Earthquake.

         So that is a trip to LA during the summer. I highly recommend it.