By Joseph Dubroff
A little background: As we reviewed mercantilism in SUPA Economics this past fall (pretty soon
it will be a year since my favorite most pleasant academic class of all time...and it was damn pleasant), Dan, Ben, and I
noticed the blow out the United States had going over Columbia in "Engines" and "Computer Chips" (Of course, this advantage
is non-existent in cocaine, but that isn't why I'm here.). So, what is a proud American to do in this situation? Chant, of
course! A chant that goes sort of like this and can be repeated as much as the chanting parties wish: "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
U-S-A!"
Now, Mark "Barry" McGuigan was not feeling that and hit us with this story:
Don't say that and let me tell you why. My brother and I are in Florence and we happen to be at the gallery where
David by Michelangelo is being displayed. So we're talking to the security guard and all of a sudden, a group of
50 tourists, who clearly looked American, came rushing in, and like a pack of dogs, went straight to the David. So the security
guard asks where we are from, and we say, "We're Canadian." Okay?
So we stopped chanting (We didn't stop doing the Miami Heat pregame ritual of "jumping around
like a bunch of savages" (a direct quote from McGuigan)). But McGuigan's lesson about tourists in Florence can be applied
to USA Basketball.
Now, here is how the parts will be split up:
Me-Mark McGuigan
Extremely Optimistic USA Basketball Fans-Ben, Dan and Me
USA Basketball Team-Stereotypical American Tourists
The Extremely Optimistic USA Basketball Fans are going to see the score: USA 121, China 90,
and immediately come yelling about how it's a Dream Team again and no one can touch our national basketball program anymore.
And of course, they start chanting: "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
I will ask them to stop and tell them this story:
Let me tell you something. I woke up at 6:30AM on Sunday and watched that game with a
Vitamin Water to accompany some leftover pizza. And let me tell you: USA was not so dominating. And the Dream Team? The 1992
and 1996 teams will never be replicated in terms of a dominance rating. Dream Team I never let anyone get within
30...at halftime.
This team is going against much better competition, as well as not being the most talented
team. They rush in like a bunch of stereotypical tourists trying to prove how good they are compared to the 2004 Olympic team,
but they show only slight improvement. For instance, letting the Chinese go 13-31 from long distance (also known as hitting
41.9% of their shots from behind the 3-point line) when you're not playing zone that is pretty damn horrible. And
they were doing a lot of it on fast breaks. Imagine going up against the fast-paced attack from Argentina. And Shipeng Wang
went 5-12 on some of those? No international player was ever allowed to raise his draft stock with a good game
against USA by Dream Team I or II. Yao dropped 21 and 10 on the US, but Yao is pretty good, so don't worry too much about
the post defense. But you have to admit, it is pretty suspect that the US blocked one shot in that entire game. China isn't
known for its guard play, so what happens when Manu Ginobili comes rolling through the lane? Looking like he'll be going to
the line plenty and telling everyone how beautiful life is.
I promised myself that I would turn off the TV and go back to sleep once the US built
up a 40 point lead. It never happened. Three-pointers were heaved, alley-oops were thrown to the corners of the Earth, and
I watched a whole international basketball game. I was promised good defense and effecient offense. Instead, I got 2004 Olympics
with a new roster. Defense became sloppy, with every player trying the NBA double-team without telling anyone else.
So will the USA take gold? I wouldn't put all my chips in that pile. Argentina has what
is basically the same team that won the gold in Athens currently in Japan for the World Championships. So don't believe USA
is still #1 on t3h 53/2v4/2 (the server) (though FIBA rankings seem to give that impression...quite fallaciously). Other teams
have risen, and USA needs to come in and not rely on athleticism and intimidation to beat these newly strengthened teams.
Well, that's my column. In other news, the Red Sox suffered their second loss in three Boston Massacres.
The 5-0 series loss takes the massacre to a new level, stepping up from 1978's 4-0 series sweep by the Yankees (a 42-9 run
differential in that one). But the team that currently is the Red Sox can still take pride in their 1770 Boston
Massacre slaying of the team that is currently the Yankees. The Red Sox, known then as the Red Coats, took five from
the Yankees. Literally, they killed five Yankees in four days (four on March 5th and one on the 8th). The Yankees hadn't come
in prepared for it, with no fire power on hand as the Red Coats boasted a powerful line-up...of muskets. (Cue bad pun face/Alex
Cora expression). I'm outta here.
